I had a little bit of a heartache the other day. That questioned my level of friendships. I am not one that warms up quickly to people. But once I am in , I am all in and that means I will get hurt on a deeper level if something goes south. Some people call it “being to sensitive”, I call it “being totally invested or committed”
Wikipedia has this to say about friendship:
Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. Friendship has been studied in academic fields such as sociology, social psychology, anthropology, and philosophy. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, including social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles. A World Happiness Database study found that people with close friendships are happier.
Although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of friendship. Such characteristics include affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.
While there is no practical limit on what types of people can form a friendship, friends tend to share common backgrounds, occupations, or interests, and have similar demographics.
There it is this word: honesty
Honesty, for me is one of the main ingredients for a relationship to work. I give 100% honesty but also expect 100% honesty. Maybe I am wrong for that but in my opinion that is the only way relations are going to be fruitful and enjoyable.
Yes honesty is not always easy, sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it is very difficult to admit something to the other person. Sometimes it is hard to hear the truth. I believe only with knowing the truth we can make honest decisions, decisions that take us further not backwards.
So much precious time is wasted on lies and deceiving, so much energy used up for remembering who did I tell what.
Why is it that some people believe that the ” I ” is more important then the “we” ? Therefor they lie and hurt people just to get ahead, to be “better”.
I might not be a person with a big number of friends. But the ones I have I hold close to my heart. I have friends, that I have not seen in years, but I know we are still connected. We pick up the phone and it is just like we had seen each other yesterday. With the friends I have, I made the experience that what ever I tell them, it will stay with them. This is what is expected of me, so I will expect it from them. There is no need of adding the words “don’t tell anyone”.
Also do I know that when I have a opinion on something, I can share it with me friend, even though she might not see eye to eye with me on it. We accept each other the way we are. And if there is something said or done, or not done, and feelings get hurt we can and should be able to tell each other. Because I trust my friend that she did not do this on purpose. We apologize and move on.
I believe, my time here on earth is to short to waste it with dishonesty, trying to impress others just to get a so called better life, what others think of a better life. I find myself in a spot at the moment where I am content, where I don’t have to pretend to be something that I am not. And that I have people in my life that take me as I am, with all my quirks and weirdness.
Yes, I have learned a valuable lesson this week. Often it is not what it seems, I did get blindsided. I guess some people would say I am naive. I would call it ” I am to trustworthy and like searching for the the good in everyone”. I did get burn, yes it hurt. It still stings a little. But I will move on. And I am sure the next time I will go in 100% again, because that is just who I am.
While I was searching “friendship” on Zibbet , I was thinking about my friendships I had in life so far, some still existing from when I was a little girl. Yes they have gone to sleep for a little while, but then all of a sudden blossomed. I believe a good solid friendship can help you get through though times as well as it can be the fireworks of your life at other times.
I hope everyone of you has a dear friend in their life, that you know you can count on for the heavy stuff but also for the silly things in life!!